For Phase 1, we wrote a narrative about the effect that language has on our lives, here is my language and literacy narrative:
The Spanish In Me
When I was a little girl, I was always very friendly and talkative which helped me make new friends and talk to my family. I was exposed to two languages between the ages of 1-2. I liked it since I was able to communicate with anyone who spoke English or Spanish including my family. I didn’t struggle speaking to them but overtime, my Spanish started disappearing. Since I went to an English school, mainly spoke English, and was mainly around the English language, I stopped speaking Spanish. It helped me because I learned advanced English and it was the most common language around me. However, sometimes I wish I never stopped speaking Spanish.
Although I understand Spanish, I wish I was still able to communicate with people, especially, my family members who mainly speak Spanish. I often tried to push myself to learn Spanish again but it was always difficult. For me, to learn Spanish again meant channeling my childhood, going back to the time when I first learned Spanish. That time where life was easy and I didn’t have to worry much about school and growing up. I’ve always been around Spanish, my family never stopped speaking it. My family would help me, try to make me feel comfortable to speak Spanish again around them, but whatever they did didn’t help. I was afraid to speak it and mess up or sound like I have no idea what I’m saying. I wish I was able to learn Spanish as easy as I did when I was a child because then I wouldn’t have struggled learning it again. I would’ve been able to communicate with my Spanish-speaking family easier, instead of speaking Spanglish. My dad’s mom, my grandmother, only spoke Spanish. Whenever I see her, I struggle putting simple Spanish words into sentences. She would help me pronounce the words I was struggling with and wouldn’t stop until I pronounce it correctly .Sometimes, it’s hard talking to her and other times it’s easy. I’ve wondered how my grandmother feels about me not knowing the language that is in my family. She tells me it’s okay that I can’t speak Spanish perfectly, but overtime I’ll learn. But I just keep thinking to myself if I could’ve been speaking Spanish fluently today, without struggling to pronounce a word, able to understand my family easier, able to communicate with my Spanish-speaking family members easier. Spanish to me should be an easy language since I grew up around it. My family, some of my friends, my community, they all spoke Spanish, then there was me, someone who barely spoke it. If I spoke the language my family spoke, but I guess I’ll never know.
Speaking Spanish to me meant it would be easier to communicate with my family, not relying on someone to help me translate or trying to slowly pronounce the words that I still mess up. Most people would be fine with not speaking two languages, but not me. Spanish is my roots, I grew up around it, my family is from a Spanish-speaking country, Dominican Republic, and I can barely speak the language. Depending on who I’m talking to and what the conversation is about, I am able to speak Spanish without struggling over a basic word that I should already know. I’ve been told from those that have heard me speak Spanish that I have a nice accent. Like, my Spanish teacher from middle school or my mom’s coworkers. I’ve never heard it, I never even knew I had an accent. I didn’t even know someone can have an accent from a language they don’t speak. Everyone asked me how much Spanish I knew, I always said a little but they never believed me due to me having a nice Spanish accent. To me, I found it odd how a language that I barely spoke, I have such a nice accent. A language I had trouble speaking, a language that I didn’t like speaking because I couldn’t pronounce the words properly, a language that made me step out of my comfort zone whenever I spoke it. I always had a conversation in my head whenever I spoke Spanish, but I would never have that full conversation with whoever I was speaking to. I always felt afraid, like I was going to mess up and sound like I had no idea what I was saying. Talking to myself, it sounded like I was saying the words correctly, without making any mistakes. Speaking to other people, I found myself messing up, like if I couldn’t speak in front of them. Anytime I would say a word wrong or struggle with it, I felt ashamed. The other language that I should be fluent in, I struggle the most with. Learning a new language takes time and patience, well for me it would be relearning a language.
Other people make speaking Spanish sound so easy, it doesn’t come that easily to myself. I may not be fluent in Spanish or understand half the words people tell me or half of the words I say. Overtime, it’ll come to me. Wanting to speak Spanish without struggling, not having to be afraid or ashamed because I can’t speak a language that my family speaks. Moreover, Spanish is a language that is spoken throughout the world. Knowing Spanish would help with my future career, I’ll be able to speak to people who know Spanish without struggling or needing someone to translate. Spanish is one the main languages that is spoken. Whether it’s because of my family, my career, or just wanting to know it, Spanish will be the language that I learn again and become fluent in.
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